my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
