I think my fart just growled at me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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