so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
