Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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