please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
someone owes me an orgasm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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