I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
