White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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