If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
