No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
