Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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