my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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