My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
