I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize