I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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