I am puke
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
