Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
