Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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