there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
