There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
