big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
