Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
