At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
