happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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