Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my being single is dangerous.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
