i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
