How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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