he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
