so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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