uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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