watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
