wakey wakey hands off snakey
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
whose parrot is this?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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