I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
