literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
