Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
