I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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