can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
