Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
