Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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