it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
