we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
