ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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