Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
