Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
