It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
