It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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