Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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