"it" just moved
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
