i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
