i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
