She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
