its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
