Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
