that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how drunk are you?
Several
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
