our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
