I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
