you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
