He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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