Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
