if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
