Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
