Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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