She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
