just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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