Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
