he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
