I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
