eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
